Bothered for no reason
Don’t know why, but it seems that I have frequent mood swings. At one point, I can be positive, happy and lively but for the next moment, I can be very quiet, moody and become bothered with things for no particular reason. Ever since I have reached my previous goal two weeks ago (which was to get an answer about whether or not my contract would be extended), I have lost the motivation to chant and read Buddhist texts. And as a result, I think I started worrying again about unnecessary things and have doubts in my life again.
I know that acceptance of reality, happiness, perseverance, determination and courage are fundamental things in a meaningful life but I am finding it difficult to put it into practice. It’s like climbing up a mountain. It takes a lot of time and determination to get to the top of the mountain but once you reach it, you feel a short moment of relief and satisfaction. After a while, you tend to forget the hard work you have put in towards your goal and you become lazy. Laziness and the lack of motivation can be a very deadly thing and they are part of what is known as the earthly desires, an obstacle in Nichiren Buddhism.
So to get rid of such earthly desires, I would need to set a renew my goals after I have achieved one. This would allow me to face challenges constantly and to maintain consistency in my Buddhist practice. If I give myself a break from goal setting and working hard towards a goal, I would drift away from the Buddhist philosophies I have learnt and let myself filled with negative thoughts again. I must be able to think of a new goal soon. A new goal that should motivate my chanting and allow me to become hopeful again.